Getting married is a wonderful thing, says Chrissie Russell, but being a serial wedding guest can wreak havoc on your bank balance.

I seem to have reached that critical point in life where suddenly my social calendar is awash with weddings. After years of birthdays being the sole excuse for celebrations, now there are housewarmings, engagement parties, weddings and baby showers.

It's all frighteningly grown-up. This year I have four weddings to attend - two in England, two in Northern Ireland, bridesmaid for one of them.

Already next year, I have at least two on the horizon and two engagements without a definite date. The vast majority of my friends, male and female, have either moved in with their significant other or been in a serious relationship for some time - so many of them seem likely to make it down the aisle at some point. Stretching far into the future I can see a repeated pattern of hen dos, weddings and receptions and it troubles me a little.

It's not that I don't want to go to the weddings, I do (see! I'm even au fait with wedding lingo). And indeed I huffed quite considerably when I only made the 'reserve guest list' on a friend's wedding some years ago.

I'm happy for my friends embarking on their lives of contented domesticity and delighted to be there to see them walk down the aisle in a pretty dress.

But, well, the point is I am anxious about the effect these weddings are having on my finances.

I know typically it's the father of the bride who is left reeling from the cost of the happy couple's nuptials, but at least it's - hopefully - a one-off event for him. As a serial wedding guest I'm set to be paying out for at least another five years and when the sums are done, it's no small amount.

A modest calculation for the four occasions this year puts my wedding expenditure at a little over £1,400. That's allowing for presents, outfits, flights and accommodation, hen weekends, food and drink and numerous additional expenses likely to crop up.

Emer Harrington, managing director of Holistic Events, is used to the finances involved in planning a wedding but agrees that being a guest can also be a costly matter.

"On average guests spend about £40-£60 on a wedding present," says Emer. "But the amount spent on a gift varies with how long the guest has known the bride and groom.

"Most couples have a present list, which gives guests a good idea of how much to spend but it's just there to give guests help. It's perfectly acceptable to go off the list if the guest wants to give the couple something more personal. If giving money, usually I find that people give more, with nobody really giving less than £100."

Hunting ground

Gifts may be the obvious expense, but it's not the only one.

For women, in particular, a wedding may be the first time in ages they've seen old friends and exes, so the pressure is on to look your best - and, if not to impress established acquaintances, then to wow new ones, for a wedding is nothing if not a happy hunting ground for flirtations and new alliances.

"You'll probably find that 99.9% of people buy something new for a wedding because they'll want to wear something their friends haven't seen before," agrees Emer. "I've about two or three weddings this summer and what I've done is buy one quite expensive top that I can then pair with different trousers, hats and accessories.

"But people can spend anything from £80 upwards on a wedding outfit, sometimes even as much as £150, it really depends on personal tastes."

Then there's the added extras that go towards the quest to look good. " The obvious ones are tan, nails and hair," says Emer. "It can be £15-20 to get hair put up, a tan can be upwards of £30 and nails £40. But a lot of girls will do all that for going to a wedding." She adds: " It's not that they are in competition with each other or the bride, but everyone wants to look their best."

The spending starts long before the actual wedding day. Stag and hen events are now a huge money-making industry with celebrations extending far beyond the traditional one night affair.

Chillisauce (www.chillisauce.co.uk) is just one of a wealth of internet-based companies specifically geared towards planning stag and hen events.

Chillisauce organiser Jake Maxwell says group weekend packages are becoming increasingly popular, thanks in part to competitively priced flights to destinations around Europe. "A lot of stag and hen groups go for weekend breaks now instead of going out for a night in their hometown," says Jake. "Hens usually stay within the UK and the most popular destinations are Edinburgh and Bath. A flight from Belfast will be about £80 with a weekend package that includes a two night stay, pampering session, meal and nightclub entry costing around £160, with the price of drinks and additional meals coming in on top of that."

Expensive

While the hens stay close to home and opt for a single pampering treatment, the stags often spend a small fortune cramming as much as possible into their last weekend of freedom. Jake says: "The stag packages are generally more expensive because men want to do more activities like off road buggies and quad biking in one day.

"An average stag package is between £180-£200, but men will spend more money on drinking and lap dances.

"Normally you would be lucky to get away with spending £200 on a stag weekend. Stags spend more than hens because the guys drink more and stay up later."

But can the spending and stress associated with going to friends' weddings carry a higher price than a merely financial one?

Linda Wright from Relate says there is an emotional cost to be considered as well.

"A wedding day should be a time of celebration but it can also lead to stress and anxiety," she says. "Marriage is more than just the wedding day, it is a major life event that is going to mean changes not only in the couples' relationship but also in their relationships with family and friends. And change is stressful."

Linda believes the feelings of resentment that can bubble up when spending money on a friend's wedding could be more than just tight-fistedness.

Linda says: "Guests may worry about paying for an appropriate gift, outfit and possibly hen or stag do, especially if a number of weddings are planned around the same time. But there may also be anxieties around where you as parent, sibling or friend are going to fit in with the bride or groom's new life. If you, as a guest, are single, widowed or recently separated or divorced, their wedding may also highlight your sense of being alone."

But there are ways of dealing with these anxieties and making sure the event is an enjoyable day for everyone.

"The best way to avoid stress is to plan ahead," reveals Linda. " Whether it's saving and budgeting to avoid getting into debt, or preparing yourself for the emotional impact the day could have, it's important to let others know ahead of the day about any anxieties you have so they can be sensitive to seating arrangements and how you want to be involved. But above all, it's important to remember whose day it is and put everything else in perspective." Instead of behaving like an unfortunate hybrid between Scrooge and Miss Havisham, perhaps the way forward for me to accept weddings as part of my social calendar is to budget for them and enjoy them.

Because, costly as they may be, I have to admit I've yet to go to a wedding that I haven't enjoyed - they are great occasions for meeting up with old friends, getting dressed up and celebrating into the night.

I'm still slightly irked that weddings are one of the many events - along with housewarmings, baby showers, anniversaries and children's birthdays - that constitute success in life and deserve celebration which as a childless, homeless, singleton I can't cash in on.

But in the meantime, I'll bite my tongue, buy a hat for all occasions and maybe think about following Her Majesty's example and start having a second birthday in a sneaky bid to redress the balance of presents going out to presents coming in.

How it all adds up ...

Rachel Jones (27), a paralegal, from Belfast

"This year I've been to two weddings already and I've three more - one in Italy and one that I'll have to fly back here for because I'll be living in Manchester by that time.

It's just happened that a lot of my friends and family have been getting engaged and married lately, but I enjoy going to weddings and don't find it a drag at all.

It's easier for boys because they can get away with wearing the same suit and just changing the tie. Girls are more inclined to feel 'I've worn that a couple of times so I'll have to get something new'. I'm lucky in that I have two sisters who have a similar taste in clothes so we can swap around quite a lot.

Normally, it depends on how long I've known the person how much I spend on a gift. I sometimes split the cost with my sister if we're both going to the wedding - but usually £50 is about right.

By the time I count outfit, hair, fake tan, present, accommodation, transport and spending on the day, I would easily spend £200 and that's maybe a modest estimate. But I definitely don't resent spending it. I love going to weddings. It's a really special day and I don't take it for granted that I'm involved in it - it's not money I spend begrudgingly."

Phil Mawhinney (24), a barista from Belfast

"In the next four months I have four weddings to go to with three of them in the next month. I don't think I can really get away with wearing the same thing to all of them - I think guys feel just as self conscious as girls about turning up in the same outfit - so I'll probably spend about £150 on something new to wear and get some new shoes.

In the past I've been to family weddings and shared the cost of buying presents with my brother. It's hard to know how much should be spent on a gift but I think I'd definitely feel uncomfortable spending less than £30 - my brother and I spend about £60-£80 between us.

I try and stay pretty positive about going to weddings because they are special occasions for people that I'm genuinely happy for. Even though I don't have a lot of money, I can make it stretch to weddings and I don't begrudge the spending involved. The only things I maybe do resent spending on a bit are stag weekends because it's quite a lot of money to spend for a few days away. At least with a present it has symbolic value and is something worthwhile but you can end up spending over £100 on a stag weekend. "

Andrew Kennedy (27), a press and communications officer from Belfast

"I went to university in Scotland so a lot of my friends live outside of Northern Ireland. Last summer I went to a wedding in Edinburgh that cost about £350. I'd to pay for flights, present and hire a tux and, to be honest, did kind of resent having to spend so much money. But at the same time, I realise weddings are expensive things and I had budgeted for it being an expensive occasion. There was a stag weekend organised as well but it was in Prague and I just couldn't afford to go. At the time I was in my previous job, which was quite poorly paid and I definitely felt I had to scrimp and save to make sure I could enjoy the events and not annoy other people by not being able to spend as much as them. I think there is a bit of a stigma attached to not spending an appropriate amount on someone's wedding so I wanted to wear the right thing and get a good present because it's just the done thing."